TOP FIVE

.....Old Rock Stars That I Have Crushes On Their Younger Selves. 

5. Bob Weir- The Grateful Dead

My mother still had a curfew when Bobby was in his prime. But there is just something about young Bob Weir that really does something for me. Maybe it is that dreamy pie-eyed look so popular at the time or maybe it is the flowing mane but I just want to kiss him on the mouth. Whatever it is, Young Bob Weir has got it. Not to be confused with Old Bob Weir, who is giving off a Berkeley busker vibe these days:

I don't want to make out with this guy, I want to eat organic granola with him and then give him a dollar. But Young Bob Weir, 1970's Bob Weir has that sexy, catatonic, unwashed quality that wins him a place in the top five.

4. Davy Jones- The Monkees

I blame Nickelodeon for this debacle. My very first concert was The Monkees at the Concord Pavilion (now the lamely named "Sleep Train Pavillon" snore, literally.) This was a very big deal. I knew every Monkees song and I was crazy in love with the hot young pumpkin-pie-hair-cut-non-instrument-playing-tambourine-waiving Davy Jones. It is embarrassingly Marsha Brady, but this really happened. At the time, Nick at Nite was playing endless re-runs of The Monkees television show......from the 60's. I was ten, so I had no idea that this catchy wholesome show was filmed twenties years ago, I just though that the fellas odd dapper dress was what kids in London were doing these days. I know, I should have been suspicious at the lack of endless Monkees merchandise ala NKOTB. I couldn't buy Monkees pillow cases and buttons and ashtrays at my local department store but I thought it just meant I was the first to hop on the Davy Jones band wagon. It made me edgy. So you can imagine my surprise when Davy Jones walked on stage looking like this: 

Oh! Your surprised Davy? Your fracking surprised? Imagine my little heartbroken ten year old self. "Mommy, who is the scary man with the mullet?" Awful. Highlight of the show was the opener, Weird Al Yankovic. 

3. Joey MacIntyre- New Kids on the Block

I think classifying him as a "rock" star is a bit of a stretch but I had it bad for Joey. So cherubic, so damn adorable. I actually stopped being friends with people because they weren't Joey fans. There were five NKOTB fan options, Donnie, Danny, Jordan, Jonathan and Joey. I mean who would like Donnie? WHO? No one I'm friends with. He was my first really painful crush. The kind where you are going to die if you don't get to scream "I love you" in his face with all the other insane twelve year olds but you are never going to get to do that because you saw him from the 1039th row of the Oakland Coliseum. Screaming your guts out, wearing your NKOTB hat with your Joey shirt. But did your psycho little love messages ever reach him? No. But I did sit next to him in a yoga class many years later after the spell had broken and he was still kind of hot but the magic was gone. I will not be catching any of the NKOTB "tour" this summer. 

2. Eddie Vedder- Pearl Jam

Can it really have been twenty years since Ten came out? Really? Oh the angst and the grunge and the flannel! And that voice. I just wanted to date him so we could break up and he could write a terribly sad song about it. 1991 Eddie, I salute you. Not that 2011 Eddie is bad:

I would still make out with him in a hot second but he has this kind of safe woolly Jesus quality that 1991 Eddie wouldn't be caught dead it. 

1. David Gilmour- Pink Floyd

I read someplace that he was actually a male model. I am not sure if it is true or not but Gilmour made the number one slot for two reasons, 1) Because he was so really really ridiculously good looking. He looks like an angel, his skin makes me cry and 2) Because of how far he has fallen:

I mean, he looks great for a guy in his sixties. Time marches on, at least we'll always have Ummagumma.